|
Feature Article: The Truth About Constructive Criticism
Since the last issue of Conversations on Leadership and Life, clients and colleagues have talked with me
about one of their most difficult conversational challenges, giving feedback or "constructive criticism." Folks
told me they dread the encounter because they know they might create a conflict situation they would rather avoid. Others
say that even with the best of intentions and a well-practiced delivery, their "constructive criticism" does not lead to the
result they want. People on the receiving end talk about how they cringe, brace themselves and prepare for the worst when
someone says, "May I give you some feedback?"
Whether leading a team,
supervising a department or partnering with a colleague on a major project, there are times when we need to be able to speak
difficult truths so that the person on the receiving end "gets the message." We have all learned the do's and don'ts of giving
feedback, and practiced step-by-step processes to criticize effectively. Yet these kinds of conversations often miss the
mark even when we remember to give "I" messages, to be timely, to make our feedback specific rather than vague, and not
attribute the problem to an unchangeable trait in the other person.
While we tell ourselves that we
are giving feedback for the benefit of another person or organization, there may be other underlying reasons behind our desire
to give "constructive feedback." Even if the receiver of our constructive criticism changes his or her behavior we may
not have improved the long-term situation or found the best solution to our problem. Why is this so often the case?
Perhaps the answer lies a bit beneath the surface. Take a look at your goal for the transaction in question. Whether
acknowledged or not, the goal behind a lot of our feedback is to transmit the correct answer to the other person so they will
see things our way and do what we want them to do.
Leadership Lessons - A Big Assumption That Prevents Learning
In their book, How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work
, Kegan and Lahey explore the implications of Big Assumptions that prevent
learning and maintain the status quo. One of these is the "I'm Right"
assumption-an assumption that often underlies "constructive feedback."
Certainly there are times when it is critically important to let someone know
exactly what needs to be done differently and why. There are times when the
person in charge has the right answer and the group needs to hear it. Yet
there are also many instances when the assumption that you have the right
answer might actually inhibit valuable learning. Could it be that unexplored
possibilities or unheard perspectives may cause you to miss the opportunity to discover a better way?
|
"I'm Right" Assumption
|
|
"Let's Learn Together" Assumption
|
|
Views the conflict as a management problem in need of resolution
|
The conflict is a rich resource for individual & organizational
learning
|
|
Teacher's stance
|
Creates a context for learning
|
|
Gets the person to change or group to go along
|
Seeks deeper understanding or better solution
|
|
Focuses on actions/inactions of other
|
Focuses on meanings & assumptions of others
|
|
Other's action is seen as wrong-as misbehavior
|
Other's action seen as expression of beliefs, values, convictions
|
|
Communicator knows the truth
|
Other, both, or neither may have the truth
|
|
"I'm right and I'm teaching you"
|
"Help me understand your thinking."
|
|
"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their
minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."
William James
TIPS, TOOLS AND PRACTICES
Recipes for Powerful Conversations
Each issue of Conversations on Leadership and Life features recipes for conversation to help you create a powerful
sense of direction for yourself, your team, your organization and to take action to get you where you want to go.
The ability to adjust your frame of reference, to shift your way of thinking about a situation is the foundation for taking
breakthrough action. Reframing requires a willingness to be open to new possibilities and outcomes. It also takes
practice. This chart is a great reminder that we must reframe our thinking in order to be
the change we want to see
in the world. One of my clients uses it as his screensaver. Whenever he is stuck or shut down this chart is right in
front of him-a great reminder that there is always another way to view a situation.
Mindsets for Change
|
From PROBLEM
Instead of rehashing the problem, think about the outcome you want to achieve.
To OUTCOME
|
From WHY?
Instead of asking why things are not going the way you want, think about how you could achieve the desired outcome.
To HOW?
|
|
From FAILURE
Instead of seeing failure, view the circumstances as feedback to help you be more effective next time.
To FEEDBACK
|
From LIMITATIONS
Instead of seeing limitations to success everywhere you turn, practice looking for the opportunities that exist in every situation.
To OPPORTUNITIES
|
|
From BLAME
Instead of blaming others for what happened, be accountable,
own your mistakes (we all make them), and move on.
To SELF-ACCOUNTABILITY
|
From CRITICIZE
Instead of being critical of others, choose to do the right thing yourself.
To RESPONSIBLE ACTION
|
|
Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always
ineffectiveness..Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. Goethe
Newsflash Could You Use a Little Luck?
Why do some people seem to be magnets for good fortune while others seem stuck in misery and misfortune?
According to psychologist, Richard Wiseman, some folks do have all the luck and he can teach you how to join the
ranks of the lucky. His research show that good fortune is not due to coincidence, karma, kismet-rather it is a
function of thinking and behaving in ways that create good fortune. While the principles do not seem
ground-breaking, the research supporting them is quite interesting. Wiseman argues that we have far more control
over events than we think. You might say that 50% of your life events are due to chance events. Wiseman contends
that maybe 10% is due to chance, and that the other 40% that you think you have no influence over, is actually defined
by the way you think. Does anyone remember Norman Vincent Peale's Power of Positive Thinking?
So how do lucky people think and act? Why do some people always seem to find fortune. "It's not dumb luck," says
Wiseman. "Most people are just not open to what's around them. That's they key to it."
Four Principles to Create Good Fortune in Your Life
1. Maximize Chance Opportunities
Lucky people are good at creating, noticing and acting upon chance opportunities that others
miss-they are open to the possibilities that surround them. They build and maintain strong networks, are
open to new experiences and have a relaxed attitude about life!
2. Listen to your Intuition
Lucky people use their intuition to make decisions and practice techniques to actively boost their
intuitive skills by learning to clear their minds or meditate, for example. They reflect and learn from mistakes.
3. Expect Good Fortune
Lucky people are sure that the future will be bright. Over time, this belief becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy because it enables them to persist in the face of failure and positively shapes their interactions with
other people.
4. Turn Bad Luck Into Good
Lucky people use various psychological techniques to cope with the ill fortune that comes their way.
For example, they spontaneously imagine how things could have been worse, they don't dwell on the ill
fortune, and they take control of the situation.
Fast Company, July 2003
Another great tool based on the principle that to change results-we must change our thinking!
The Thinking Path©,
developed by Alexander Caillet. This model is based on the premise that Thought is at the
base of our moment-to-moment reality and that Thought leads to Feelings, Behaviors and ultimately Results. The
Thinking Path©
can be used with individuals and with teams/groups. Take a look at Alexander's Thinking Path. You
can find it under resources on my website www.bettegeorge.com.
In His Own Words
A colleague shared this story of how he was hijacked by his own needs and reactions which impacted how he
delivered the feedback as well as the end result. He offers this wise observation: "I think in feedback as in most
things, the question to ask ourselves is, 'in sake of what do I do this _______?'"
"I am facilitator/consultant to a strategic planning committee. During the first day of the meeting, my perception was
that there wasn't as much discussion/engagement as I would have liked. From 4-5, we had a person scheduled to
speak, working off an article that the committee had read before the meeting. I had asked the speaker to talk for a bit,
then engage the group in discussion, suggesting some discussion questions for him to use. Instead, the speaker
talked for over an hour, leaving only time for a few questions. I felt impatient and irritated with the speaker. I was
upset that he didn't follow my instructions/suggestions; that he was lecturing the group at the end of the day; that he
lost control of his time; and worst of all, that it was going to reflect badly on ME. It is customary in my work with him
and another staff person present that we give each other feedback after one of us does some work. Driven by my
own impatience with him, my feedback came out sharper than I wanted--more of a blurt--and I think the speaker felt
my irritation. The timing and the delivery offered little space for a real conversation, and there wasn't one. As a result,
I don't think he had the opportunity to learn from my feedback. Nor did my feedback build our relationship."
Books
Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box The Arbinger Institute
How can people simultaneously (1) create their own problems, (2) be unable to see that they are creating their own
problems, and yet (3) resist any attempts to help them stop creating those problems? This entertaining and
highly-instructive story shows what self-deception is, how people get trapped in it, how it undermines personal and
organizational effectiveness, and - most importantly-how to solve it.
Presence: Human Purpose and the Field of the Future Senge, Scharmer, Jaworski and Flowers
How would the world change if we learned to access, individually and collectively, our deepest capacity to sense and
shape the future? This book synthesizes leading-edge thinking, first-hand knowledge, and ancient wisdom to
explore our connection to each other and to life more broadly. It provides a gateway to access a deeper level of
learning that is the key to creating change that serves ourselves, our organizations and the communities of which we
are a part.
How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work
Kegan and Lahey
Why is the gap so great between our hopes, our intentions and our decisions-and what we are actually able to bring
about? This practical book provides the tools to create a powerful new mental technology to diagnose your immunity
to change, unleash the energy currently trapped in this immune system, and to sustain change over the long term.
© 2005 Bette George & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this newsletter to others. Permission to reprint or reproduce in a newsletter, publication, or by an
electronic means is granted, provided that it includes this notice: "Copyright 2004 by Bette George & Associates, Inc.
From Conversations on Leadership and Life
, an e-newsletter by Bette George, website: www.bettegeorge.com
email: bette@bettegeorge.com."
Conversations on Leadership and Life is a bi-monthly e-newsletter written by Bette George of Bette George &
Associates. In each issue, Bette offers best practice tips and resources, innovative ideas and inspiration to help you
begin to create the change you want to see in yourself, your workplace, your community.
Privacy Policy:
We take your privacy seriously. We will never share your personal information with any third party.
Join Bette in an e-conversation today. Subscribe to Conversations on Leadership and Life
by sending a blank email message to subscribe@bettegeorge.com.
1038 Dead Run Drive McLean VA 22101
|
