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Feature Article: EveryDay Heroes
"In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in a
dark wood where the true way was wholly lost."
Dante, Commedia
As a leadership and life coach my days are filled with conversations with heroes. These are
brave souls struggling with life's challenges who have chosen to embark on a journey into unknown territory.
Why do I call my clients heroes? They are simply normal people who are dealing with life's ups and downs, right? Yep-that's the point. Some of these heroes lead organizations or work teams; some are individuals facing the fears of moving into a new job or retiring from an old one; some are seeking work that has meaning and purpose; some feel just plain stuck. With some trepidation, each one steps out of the comfort zone of the familiar, transcends self-imposed limitations, and begins to let go of well-polished stories about why he or she is trapped and unable to do anything about current circumstances. Each has recognized that something about their lives must change and their instincts tell them the change must come from within.
Poetry Corner
Above the mountains
the geese turn into the light again
painting their
black silhouettes
on an open sky.
Sometimes everything
has to be
enscribed across
the heavens
so you can find
the one line
already written inside you.
Sometimes it takes
a great sky
to find that
small, bright
and indescribable
wedge of freedom
in your own heart.
Sometimes with
the bones of the black
sticks left when the fire
has gone out
someone has written
something new
in the ashes of your life.
You are not leaving
You are arriving.
By David Whyte
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BOOKS
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 The Heart Aroused
by David Whyte
 The House of Belonging
by David Whyte
 The Leadership Wheel
by C. Clinton Sidle
 Deep Change
by Robert Quinn
 Building the Bridge As
You Walk On It
by Robert Quinn
 Leadership from the
Inside Out by Kevin Cashman
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These everyday heroes recognize that they are at a crossroads of some
kind. When they make a conscious decision to face uncertainty, they are
able to open up to new ways of thinking, and try on new behaviors. As
their coach, I am privileged to partner with them for a period of time and
to witness their "Heroic Journey." Joseph Campbell describes the
hero's journey as a story of individual transformation, a change of
identity that comes from embarking on a courageous venture to a
strange place where there are a lot of risks and new problems that
require us to think in new ways. When a person chooses to split from
the past and to give up her reactive stance, new possibilities and
patterns emerge. Time after time, I see people turn confusion into clarity,
stagnation into growth, inertia into action, posturing into authenticity, and fear into courage.
"Change is prompted only when an organism decides that changing is the only way to maintain itself." Margaret Wheatley
Leadership Lessons - Are You LEADING Your Life?
One of my heroes is a woman, near sixty, who decided to take charge of
her life rather than just letting things happen to her. She took a very
brave step by taking a look at how she looked at things. She journaled
about the events of her life. She observed her actions, feelings, self-talk.
She paid attention to how she told the story of her life up until now, as
well as the story of her current situation. It didn't take long for her to
make a dramatic shift of perspective. Her old story "was whatever they
dished out, she deserved." She was powerless to do anything to
change what was happening to her. She would be the victim of age
discrimination when the contract she was working on ended in a few months.
Her new story emerged when she recognized her heroic self, a courageous woman who had overcome many challenges in her life.
She began to use new language in the narrative of her life-she
expanded her view of herself which enabled her to think and act more
powerfully. With newfound confidence, she began to network inside and
outside of her company. She joined a professional women's
organization to build new relationships. She volunteered for a service
project as a way giving back to her community. She decided to change
her image at work in some very specific ways. No longer was she the
happy-go-lucky jokester that many did not take seriously. Instead she displayed a more professional demeanor that allowed her
competencies to show. What enabled her to take these new actions?
She was able to see herself as the hero of her own life story, a
courageous, strong individual, not without flaws, yet powerful and
creative. She is learning to live as a master of her circumstances,
breaking through the limits of doubt and fear to take charge of her future.
She is LEADING her life rather than letting life happen to her.
"Leadership is a journey of self-discovery, for
breaking through old habits of thinking in order to
achieve more than what seems possible."
Clinton Sidle, The Leadership Wheel
TIPS, TOOLS AND PRACTICES: Discovering Your Heroic Self
The universal, subjective truth is that each of us is the "hero" of our own
life story-no one else is-just us! We experience ourselves in our lives
as a narrative that moves through time. Our story is always a
"first-person" story, and in making sense of the story, we give our lives
meaning. The central figure is a hero, and there are always at least two
versions of that hero. One is the Hero in Victory who moves the narrative
forward marching toward the goal of his or her quest and the desired
state of being in the future. The second version is the Hero in Retreat
who is thwarted, derailed, or moving backwards in some fashion. This
hero is moving no closer to the goal nor making progress on his or her
quest. (from Neil Stroul, Faculty of the Georgetown University Coaching Program)
We often have difficulty thinking of ourselves as heroes. Through
reflection, journaling and the coaching conversation on our personal
history, we can recognize who we are at our best and who we are when
we are stuck and unable to move our narrative forward. We remember
times we have met change successfully, as well as experiences that left
us filled with uncertainty about what to do. What's really interesting is
that the very language we use in our narrative provides clues to how we
see ourselves and our life experiences. In other words, we can become aware of how we choose which
stories to live by. Do we choose language that tells the story of someone at the mercy of circumstances
beyond our control? Do we speak of impossible situations? Do we speak of making the best of things or
winning against the odds? You might want to try the Life Events Exercise presented here to deepen your
understanding of your own "story."
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Life Events Journaling Exercise
This exercise can help you to see how you put your
story together to make meaning of the events that have shaped your life, your talents and your
ability to lead.
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Identify seminal events in your life. Divide your life into broad stages such as
Age 0-12 Age 12-25 Age 25-40 Age 40-present
- Go back as far as you can remember and come
forward to the present. Review the peaks and bumps along the way.
- Because emotions motivate change, reflect on
relationships, events, experiences in each period of time when life doesn't get any better than
this. Reflect also on times when you felt you were an utter failure, times when you felt
stuck/thwarted.
- What inner resources, strengths, qualities did you
draw upon to meet challenges? What fears, insecurities did you overcome? What and who enabled
you to change, adapt, grow?
- Share your story with another person who can ask
clarifying questions, point out patterns that you may not have recognized, and help you get in
touch with the emotions of the experiences-helping you to connect to your story on both the
intellectual and the gut level.
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In Her Own Words
"The corporation had announced preparation for an IPO and the major contract on which I had worked
for eleven years was winding down. Much was changing and it was time for me to look at my future as well.
The good thing was that I believed I could have a future but I was really confused about how to work
through options and evaluate myself. I felt trapped as I listened to my self-talk. 'No one will hire me. I'm too
old. What skills do I really have? They won't take me seriously, etc. etc etc.' Now it's been six months since I
wrote 'going to find a life coach' in my journal. So it's clear that I knew way back then that I needed support
to clarify my vision of the future. And most important of all, I did not want what was probably going to be my
last career move to be a fluke or reaction. I wanted to choose the work and the people that I would be with
during this next part of my life.
I came into coaching thinking I needed to concentrate on these areas: deciding whether to find
another position in the corporation or move on to another company in the same field; and figuring out how to
market myself for the move. So according to my initial thinking, it would be pretty straightforward stuff. Little
did I know how much more was involved. Now here I am looking at my story about how life shaped me, how I
can be the hero that I always wanted to be, and accepting that if I seek and ask, it will come. Life really can
be very good and I am looking forward to everything in a whole new way." Gail
© 2006 Bette George & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved.
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, an e-newsletter by Bette George, website: www.bettegeorge.com email: bette@bettegeorge.com."
Conversations on Leadership and Life is a bi-monthly e-newsletter written by Bette George of Bette George
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to help you begin to create the change you want to see in yourself, your workplace, your community.
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